“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” – 1st Peter 3:8 (NIV)
Have you ever noticed that some people listen only long enough to respond? You’re halfway through explaining your problem, and they’re already polishing their advice about what you should do or preparing their rebuttal. Or is that you?
Empathy does something different. Empathy is the spiritual discipline of borrowing someone else’s glasses before drawing your conclusion. Scripture tells us to “…be quick to listen, slow to speak…” (James 1:19, NIV) and to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Notice that neither verse speaks to fixing, correcting, or winning. They speak to understanding.
In leadership, empathy includes the practice of hearing another perspective long enough to understand the experiences, fears, culture, and hopes behind it. This can de-escalate tension, improve negotiation offers, and dismantle resistance when people feel heard. Decisions are also improved, as some of my best decisions came after listening to people who disagree with me. Their views stress-tested my thinking and strengthened my solutions.
Listening has value and is a lifelong skill that we can all sharpen. Over the next twenty-four hours, choose one conversation with a family member, colleague, friend, or even someone who disagrees with you. For the first five minutes, practice the discipline of empathy. Don’t interrupt. Don’t prepare your response while they are talking. Don’t offer advice unless they ask.
Instead, listen for three things:
- What are they saying? (The facts)
- What are they feeling? (The emotions)
- What do they need? (The deeper concern behind their words)
When they’re finished, summarise their perspective as accurately as possible by saying: “Let me see if I understand you correctly. Only after they confirm, “Yes, that’s what I mean,” should you share your own thoughts. You may discover something surprising. What felt like resistance may actually be fear. What appeared to be anger may simply be hurt.
Jesus modeled this beautifully. Before healing, He listened. Before teaching, He saw. Before correcting, He understood.
Empathy does not require agreement; it requires understanding. Today, listen before fixing.
Read: Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:12
Bible Reading Guide: Psalm 109:21-31; Ephesians 1; Isaiah 51:17-23; Isaiah 52; Isaiah 53; Isaiah 54