– Sis Feona Dover and Minister Safoora Halley
Sis Feona Dover – “A Heart to Foster.”
Sis Feona Dover’s journey as a mother began in 2011 when she received notice that her nephew had been found in the Lamaha Springs neighbourhood, where he had never lived before. He wasn’t fully dressed, but he was in the arms of a police officer prepared to give him to social protection. Sis Feona went to check on his siblings at their home and discovered that their parents had neglected all of them. After much deliberation, prayer, fasting, and support from her pastors, Sis Feona accepted complete custody of her niece and nephews.
She was sharing an apartment with a roommate, so she needed to find an appropriate home as soon as possible for herself and the children. As she assumed responsibility for them, she was met with shabby clothing and unpleasant surroundings. While this depressed her, she realised she had a choice; she chose to care for them. She decided to be a parent.
Sis Feona highlighted that you don’t have to be biologically connected to be a mother. She explained that, in her experience, motherhood might be defined as caring for and loving a child or children more than their own parents. Despite the numerous hardships, she characterised her experience as a mother as lovely. Sis Feona emphasised that the pleasure and accomplishments of her children greatly transcend the difficulties of motherhood. She also noted that being a mother to rejected children has spiritual and emotional obstacles, but she takes consolation in knowing that God is on their side.
The most challenging aspect of Sis Feona’s journey is the competing morals given by others versus what she would teach since her niece and nephews are exposed to other family members. The problem arises when they are exposed to wrong teachings, forcing her to reinstill her principles and persuade them that what they were advised by that particular person (s) was erroneous. She further added that her most difficult period with the children has been their teenage years as they try to discover who they are; aged sixteen and thirteen currently. She advocated for the need of a father to help guide and teach them things a man should.
It is laborious at times for Sis Feona to relate to the boys since she grew up without a father. She could not comprehend what was going on with them, much less assist them, which created a communication barrier. She said that there are instances when they say nothing at all or when she is the last to learn of occurrences, which she believes is related to her status as an aunt rather than a mother. Sis Feona, however, still perseveres and allows them a free place to express themselves, despite this being a challenge.
Enforcing disciplinary measures also proved arduous. She found herself flanking them because of how she was raised and realised it wasn’t working. This resulted in her resorting to more punitive measures such as phone and games confiscation, imposing bans, etc. Books on how to train and raise children became part of her repertoire as she sought to improve and do justice to her responsibilities as a mother. The teaching of life skills such as contentment and ethics are also reinforced along with the habit of taking them to Sunday school and encouraging them to make their own baptismal decisions.
When asked how she changed her parenting style to fit this new culture of young people being self-driven and independent, no longer seeking reliance on parents, Sis Feona replied that you must adapt. She also relies on prayers for direction and advice from other parents. Thus, you must be flexible as parents. Holding on to the ‘this is how I know it’ method simply does not work.
Her biggest fear is that her children will lose their faith and not live out their destiny, while her best moment was when all of her children freely chose Jesus as their Lord and Saviour.
Praying for your children is the best thing you can do. When challenging circumstances arise, pray and fast. Sis Feona’s counsel to moms and mothers-to-be is to pray unceasingly.
Sis Feona, in closing, expressed gratitude to Bishop Massiah, Reverend Semple, Pastor Lee, and the late Pastor Jackman for their assistance and encouragement with her children, as she remarked, “It takes a village to raise a child.”
Sis Safoora Halley – “Giving Up Was Never an Option!”
Sis Safoora, a cleaner for 13 years, became a mother at twenty-three and now has two daughters who are 26 and 24-years-old, respectively. After residing in Venezuela during her younger years, she remigrated thirteen years ago.
Sis Safoora has been a single mom since the birth of her two children, paying for their education and everything else that comes with raising children by oneself. She saw her journey as a struggle since she encountered countless obstacles and lacked basic necessities, yet God’s favour was enough to pull her through.
The most challenging period in her parenting journey was when her children reached their teens; they required more essentials and were exposed to their classmates’ materialistic possessions. Still, she always encouraged them to be contented regardless of their circumstances. This teaching, ‘contentment,’ is still a feature of their lives, which makes her very proud.
Sis Halley acknowledged that she was going through personal difficulties, but she needed to be a parent. She confessed to being frustrated at times because she didn’t feel like she could relate to her children, which created communication difficulties. Admittedly, she felt like giving up at times and wept many nights, but God gave her the courage to persist.
Continuing her narration, Sis Safoora indicated that implementing disciplinary measures had been challenging, especially during their teenage years, since her children often refused to take punishment. They preferred to learn from their own experiences. Her protective nature was disrupted by her children’s desire to be independent. She confessed that her children reminded her that they had grown up and that she was a little too protective of them. This, however, is her nature which led to problems in adapting.
Sis Safoora desires that her children exceed her achievements, marry before having children and walk with God all the days of their lives.
She further intimated pride in her children’s accomplishments thus far after making several sacrifices for them. Carlotta graduated as valedictorian from her high school at the Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate (CSEC) Examination, while Carla attended a foreign college before returning home to continue her nursing career. Sis Safoora is overjoyed that her efforts and sacrifices have paid off. While she was unable to complete her education, witnessing her children enjoy the life she envisaged is a rewarding experience.
Her closing advice, especially for single mothers, is to never give up! Trust God! Because despite countless trials, He never abandons us. “Never give up!”
