“… for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” – James 1:20 (ESV)
Forgiveness is a two-way street, and while we tend to see the opposing party as the offender, we might both be guilty. Think of a situation where you had a different opinion from a spouse or close relative about arrangements for a family event such as a wedding. You both tried to dominate with your position and exchanged harsh words, which led to a disagreement. Who was the real offender here?
James 1:19-20 (ESV) reminds us: “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
Disagreement that breaks bonds means a failure to produce righteousness. We must repair the bonds, valuing the relationship above the argument. In addition, forgiveness and redemption require undoing the things that brought disagreement, such as:
Learning to listen. Stop listening to respond, but actively listen and appreciate diverse points of view in the discussion. Diverging ideas do not always signal disagreement but diversity or multiple solutions to a problem.
Unlearn the desire to be heard first and loudest. Being slow to speak can imply responding the next day. God often shifts the situation or your disposition by the morning, so practice delaying your angry response or email by a few hours and see what a difference a day makes.
Unlearn the art of anger and replace it with that of apology. This signals respect for each other’s opinions, an intention to value the relationship over the rift, and an apology rather than remaining angry.
Learn to take the initiative. Be bold to reach out. You may realise it was a misunderstanding or that the person just wanted to be heard. Resentment may fester, so hurry to clear the air quickly.
Say “I’m sorry” if you may have hurt someone. Accept that you may have contributed to the tension. And if you are too entrenched, for the sake of the bond, be willing to learn the art of saying: “I’m sorry we don’t share the same view on this.”
Be a – Quick listener. Slow speaker. Producer of righteousness!
Read: Proverbs 15:18; Luke 21:15
Bible Reading Guide: Proverbs 10:11-20; Luke 21:5-38; Joshua 1; Joshua 2
