“It is better to build a strong child than a broken man” – Frederick Douglas 1855.
My childhood taught me the power of family. My parents took on the ultimate responsibility of raising my siblings and me in a nuclear family setting. We were also very fortunate to have a strong supportive network of extended family members. This group of people greatly supported our mental, emotional, and spiritual development. Our grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins were sometimes the best teachers of traditions, morals, values, self-worth, and confidence. Our interactions within this unit help to shape our identity as individuals and members of society. But we understood that Dad and Mom were the ultimate parental authority.
The parental authority of Dad and Mom in my family was, and still is, equal. The authority, in this instance, should not be confused with the administration of their roles. Meal preparation, household chores, and the administration of discipline were done by both my parents, depending on their schedules.
This distinction of authority needs to be clarified to children and the extended family. If left vague, it can cause confusion in how the child perceives and responds to authority figures and can potentially follow them throughout their lives.
It is the exclusive responsibility of the parent, wherever possible, to help the child interpret and navigate the information they absorb from sources in and outside the home from the perspective of the family’s value system. As parents, be intentional about framing the narrative that will shape your child’s life.
Look for opportune moments to reframe the lessons your children are being taught by their peers, other family members, and your community through the lens of the Word of God. Molding the framework around which your child will build his or her life requires constant effort, whether at the dinner table, in the car, or at bedtime. Active engagement and interaction with your child help build a better relationship and credibility as a parent. It is not good enough for children to be quiet or ‘out of your hair’. Children are curious; when we engage them lovingly in conversations, they develop a love for learning.
My most beloved uncle was generous to a fault and loved showing his nieces and the neighborhood boys how to perform simple repairs to our bicycles. Interestingly, he never allowed us girls to feel less than the boys and always taught us the same skills as he taught the boys. He never discriminated because we were girls, and his simple lessons made us self-advocates and confident problem solvers. We loved him because he loved us with all his heart and was proud of us. When he came through the gates, we ran screaming to the tops of our lungs and jumped into his arms. He would always lift us up and spin us around until we were dizzy with joy. He truly was an amazing man.
However, I also have memories of him being a chain smoker and a nomad. I remember our parents explaining that there are choices in life and no external force can control how we respond. We control our own emotions and have the power and responsibility to self-regulate. These lessons must be taught and reinforced constantly throughout your child’s upbringing. It is also a lesson that will serve as a guiding compass in their professional careers and entrepreneurial endeavours.
As children, our parental lessons were always supported by Scripture, and a Scripture that often reinforced our teaching was:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
Galatians 5:22-23 (HCSB).
Remember, parents, abdicating your responsibility to parent well is a disservice to the child, as you would essentially be failing to equip them for life. Without strong morals, values, a healthy sense of worth, and the Word of God, the child is arguably more susceptible to repetitive traumatic cycles. Take action today to make a generational impact and build a lasting legacy through your children.
While positive reinforcement can be more impactful if it begins when the child is young, it is not too late to start at any age. You can start by reviewing the lessons your children learned today from school, their peers, or via technology. So, did you, as a parent, leverage the opportunity to teach a valuable principle to your child today? Remember, every lesson is a deposit into their life. Every lesson helps to shape their future. How do you imagine that future?
