The role of the father in modern day society is either challenged or championed. The rate of absent fathers in the US is approximately 20% and this increases to as much as 50% in some pockets of Caribbean society. Women-led families have grown and is likely the reason for the extra festivity on Mother’s Day. Despite this reality, there are role models – fathers – who are fighting for their families. Biblical principles provide the blueprint for redefining the face of the family where the social contract between men and their families are fashioned by love, courage, patience, protection, discipline and discipleship. Today, we chose to celebrate the examples of men who mentor and are ‘writing’ beautiful stories for their families and communities, using God’s blueprint. Happy Father’s Day!
Mentoring Women
We caught up with Bishop Dr. Murtland Raphael Massiah for his thoughts on mentoring women. This is a perspective that if not cultivated, can lead to patriarchal ideologies that exclude women and girls from participating in decision making and leadership at all levels. Harvard Review published an article [6 December 2016] under the caption ‘Men who mentor Women’ which sought to raise awareness of the role men play in championing female talent in organisations. Engaging Bishop Dr. Massiah on this article, his first reaction was dismay that there is still a macho notion in organisations today. He acknowledged the wisdom given to him by God to understand that from creation, the female gender was not made inferior. “I understand that the female gender was made with a different assignment, but not inferior,” said Bishop Dr. Massiah.
He contrasted ‘patriarchal societies’ reserving the leadership role for men with the biblical account of Zelophehad, a father who mentored his daughters (Numbers 27:1-7). Bishop Dr. Massiah has been impacted by the father’s apparent training of his daughters to adopt a ‘mindset of equals’. Hence, the passing of Zelophehad who had no sons, led to his daughters seeking out Moses to request an inheritance of their father’s land. Zelophehad was not there when they entered their biggest stage in life, but he left a legacy to seek opportunities and displaying their giftings. While the daughters submitted to Moses and the law, they petitioned with boldness, confidence and humility. Moses also reacted by seeking God for wisdom. This example should challenge women to see the champion in fathers and role models in our churches, communities and corporate spaces.
Bishop Dr. Massiah shared his approach of looking for giftings in people, which is not restricted to men, but deliberately includes women. For example, the FAOGW Deacon/Deaconess representation includes 47% females while 50% of FAOGW outstations are currently led by female pastors. He opined that if men who are mentors have uncommon eyes, they will see women with equal giftings and in some cases, superior giftings.
“I understand that the female gender was made with a different assignment, but not inferior. Bishop Dr. M. R. Massiah
He also shared his personal journey to fatherhood, raising two daughters – Marissa and Melinda. Bishop Dr. Massiah recalls feeling some apprehension about the role of fatherhood when Marissa was born, given his personal experience of his absent father. He had only seen his mother raise boys following the passing of his only sister in his teenage years. “Even our cousins that my mom took in, were boys”, he shared. But he was resolute about his desire to love and protect Marissa, searching out biblical promises concerning daughters which was also in preparation for Melinda. “I also recognised that they were made in the image and likeness of God, hence I challenged them to be the best while Elder Angela and I provided the nurturing environment,” said Bishop Dr. Massiah.
While reflecting on being more relaxed yet deliberate in teaching and listening to Martin, he credits his change in approach to maturity and application of wisdom. Solomon said about David in Proverbs 4:3-4 (ESV) “When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live.”
God’s intent is for families to thrive as fathers teach and protect.
Fathering through Change
Deacon Shawn Parvattan and Sister Abiola Parvattan migrated from Guyana to the USA in 2018. Their experiences echo the typical immigrant story – the grapple with change in environment, culture, church, food, language, and societal values. Yet Deacon Shawn is firm in his faith about the winning formula to overcome:
- Change + Innovation + Risk – Complacency = Next Level
He paralleled the need to change a transistor every 3 to 6 months with seasons in our lives. We have an opportunity to be open to growth or be trapped in complacency. As part of the Parvattan migration journey, they have always looked for opportunities, hence settling was not so difficult. However, having to deal with the disruptions of the COVID-19 pandemic within a year of their arrival made him aware of the different aspects necessary in parenting. Adjusting to change can sometimes seem like a failure and he realised that together with his wife, they had only taught their children how to win. He reflected on how men are also taught to win and not fail which puts pressure on fathers. Could this be the reason some men run away at the first hint of responsibility?
Deacon Parvattan shared his belief that men go through mental challenges when they decide to fight for their families. “We want to run when we see failure but these are things not discussed in a family for men. Men are taught to win, not fail, but we need to teach our children how to use failure to stand stronger” he said.
He cautioned that society can sometimes lock our menfolk into a proverbial prison by mocking their emotional side and this causes communication barriers and even illness as men internalise issues. Deacon Parvattan is of the opinion that we need forums for men to express themselves. He believes that our men need people to encourage them like the example in Luke 5:18-19 where four friends decided to take their friend to Jesus. The conventional way did not work so they had to change course (letting him down via the rooftop) showing the presence of innovation, risk-taking, and absence of complacency (if they would have left him behind).
“… society can sometimes lock our menfolk into a proverbial prison by mocking their emotional side and this causes communication barriers and even illness as men internalise issues.” Deacon Parvattan
In order to get to the next level in many areas of life, there must be an appetite for change. Starting over can be rough, but God has granted us GRACE!
As we celebrate Father’s Day 2022, let us affirm our fathers and mentors, with these words posted on our mirrors, walls and social media spaces:
Dad, thank you for showing us how to fight hard and finish well as inspired by
2 Timothy 4:7 (NIV) “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
Parenting a Talented Child
There is a perspective to fathering an exceptional child that should be understood for the child to thrive, according to Reverend Dr. Marcel Hutson. He posits that highly intelligent children are curious and their relentless pursuit of knowledge can be easily mistaken for defiance. The challenge to parents is to be patient. Listening to understand rather than respond will avoid unnecessary confrontation while building confidence and self-esteem.
Rev. Dr. Hutson, reflecting on raising his own son, states that precocious children require a special mentoring approach, geared toward honing and refining, and encouraging their advanced approach to learning. “Raising Yeshua has reminded me of my own experiences with challenging my dad’s position on issues or posing questions. He would retort that a little learning is a dangerous thing, and so we have tweaked the formula with Yeshua to find balance” says Rev. Dr. Hutson.
Parents should also understand that gifted children often seek out leadership which can be challenging when placed with children of similar traits. Changing schools or areas of interest could create tensions as they seek to acclimate. A child’s level of advancement may be due to nature and nurture. Some persons are evidently unique by virtue of their IQ or other talents like a boxer, yet it is necessary for someone (father or coach) to come alongside in support for the gifting to mature.
Rev. Dr. Hutson wrapped up his interview with a caution that parents should avoid seeking to live their lives through their children. “Yeshua for instance has always had a dual focus that has never shifted. My wife and I have never pushed for our preference as he verbalises his dreams. He plans to become a Test Cricketer and Robotic Engineer, including future studies at Oxford University. The dream includes his retirement from Test Cricket at about 35 years old, so he can enter the world of engineering” chuckled Rev. Dr Hutson. This tolerance for different thinking could also result in greater income earning capacity for our children, hence they should not be limited.
Giftings are to be nurtured and fanned into flames for God’s divine purpose (and not parents). Paul said to Timothy that he should stir up the giftings within him that was also in the loins of his mother Eunice and grandmother Lois (2 Timothy 1:5-14).
As we usher in another Father’s Day celebration, may the gift of fatherhood prepare generations and families to operate in their divine purpose.
